Hell is a Place on Earth
by Tong Ki Yang
Summary: I looked up at the ceiling wondering if anyone would give a damn... If life really wasn't more than this. If this was life, I was done...  M rating for what is said and themes, plus yaoi down the road. Main pairing: Roxas/Axel. Not tell the other pairing.
1. The Support

**Disclaimer! **I do not own KH or any making of it.

1. The Support

I laid on my bed waiting; waiting for someone to give a damn. Someone to see I was, someone and not a nobody. That I was here to stay, even against everyone's will, including my own. Something wanted me alive to see something I've been missing. Well, since I was here, I need a path but how could I find my own path when I didn't know it? If someone gave a damn, I could find a way to live and be. I just need the extra shove, because I've lost my way and will. To have a support for my bridge, no matter how small it was…

"Why can't any one give a damn to help me?" I whispered into the barren air.

I curled into a ball and let the world fade away from me…

X-X

"So do you think he can hear us?" came a familiar voice.

"If he doesn't, I'll kick his ass. Got it?"

"What do I need to hear so I don't get my assed kick?" I said turning my head slitly to see the two people that always came a bit too late to my aid.

"Roxas!" My vision was blurred by locks of spiky brown hair and a heavy weight crushed onto me."You had us worried! Why don't you ever say anything? You know we love and care so much about you to come help you! We can't read minds! Just talk to us more so we know how to help! Please! Please Roxas! Please!"

I started trying to wiggle to free myself of my over worried twin. "Sora!" I wheezed out. "Please get off…"

"Sora!" yelled our brother. "If you would worry a bit less, you wouldn't try killing Roxas with your worry."

Sudden freedom came as I looked to see my older brother Ventus pull a teary eyed Sora off me. He looked at me like I was tearing his world into small shreds. My heart, it felt heavy seeing him like that. I was to be the strong twin, the one to protect him, to keep him safe, and here I was hurting him… I looked away and closed my eyes.

"Sora, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay, alright?" said Ven, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Riku is here, why don't you go see him? He didn't want to intrude, but he came to make sure you're okay, alright?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Sora give one more look at me before following Ven out the door. I pulled the sheets up to my chin and curled into a ball. I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks as I heard Ven return. With a sigh, he sat back down into his chair.

"You know he cares. You know he would make the world stop, if it would save you." Ven laid a hand on to my shoulder. "I know you can hear me. I know you think your world is shit, but you're just looking at it in wrong way. It's time that you woke up and started making a life for yourself. We all know shit happens and we all deal with it in our own way. Now it's time that you pulled your head out of your ass and faced life. You're hurting people, and not just a bit. Sora loves you too much to understand that it's hurting his relationship…"

"Ven-"

"Shut up. Let me say it."

"No, Ven."

"Yes!"

"God Ven!"

"Damn it, Roxas! You're a fuck up and you're hurting people because of it! Get your shit together! Our Grandfather is wanting to disown you. Sora stuck his neck out every time things went wrong, but it's getting old. Next time you fall, don't expect Sora to help. I'm done seeing him getting hurt because of you. Enough is enough. If you need help, then ask but don't expect us to know what you need." Ven sighed and pushed my hair out of the way of my forehead.

I could only make out a blurry look of my brother. He had a small smile on his face. "Damn.. Roxas, we care. I care. I want you to have a life that represents who you are. Please, stop throwing your life away. We'll help, we just need to know how."

I cleared my vision and looked at my older brother. "Then make sure I don't live alone. It hurts to always be alone."

Ven had a weird look on his face at what I has said. I watched as his face took in what I had to say, then came to an understanding. "Who would you like to live with then?"

"I don't care; whoever you guys believe would have it the easiest living with me." I laid a heavy arm across my face, hiding Ven from my eyes. To escape Ven's gaze as well.

"Okay. We'll work it out and move you out of your hell hole in Garden City, okay?" asked Ven.

"Thank you." Was all I could say. I felt that the world was spinning and I had no path to follow.

X-X

I watched as the nurse came in for her final time to tell me that I could go down stairs to finalize the release papers and leave for home. She always had a smile on her face. She was always cheering around sick people. The air around her made me feel sick. How the hell can people run around, smiling all the time, even when they hit rock bottom? How?

I sighed relief when she finally left me be. I watched her walk over to the nurse's station to grab her next job of the day when a man with black hair walked in with his hands full of flowers. There had to be a few bouquets of flowers. She jumped at the flowers and the man holding them. She smiled her smile, kissed his cheek, said a few words and pulled him along as they went from patient to patient handing out flowers. He stopped in front of my room expecting to give the last bouquet of flowers to me.

I raised my eye brow, "You better not give that to me. I'm out of here."

"Aerith, who is this one for?" he asked raising the flowers.

"For the desk silly!" she said taking the flowers and placed them into a vase on the desk.

He smiled as he watched her. "Ain't she something?"

"Yeah, Miss Cheery."

"That she is. You know, you would never think she has a dark past, now would ya? That she watched her town fall apart and her life become nothing more than an existence. Though, look at her now. On top of the world; doing what she wants and has dreamed of for a long time. Aerith is one special woman."

"She is.." I said grabbing my jacket and walking out of my small hospital room.

"By the way Roxas, I'm Zack. Tell Ven I'll be over when things are done here. See ya," said Zack pulling away from the wall and walking over to Aerith.

X-X

The car ride to where ever was short. Ven didn't really talk after I gave him Zack's message. What was there to talk about? How shitty hospitals are? Everyone it seems knows that. We pulled into a packed garage full of too many cars crammed next to each other, with motorcycles and mopeds shoved into on corners and anywhere else there was room. There were bicycles locked against the barricading fence. It was a bright day, and the garage felt like a cave.

We parked in a spot and got out. Ven motioned for me to follow him. There was near a hundred little boxes. "So this is where we get our mail. The elevator is right there as I hope you can see. Here's the stairs. They have a key pad coming into the building. 0664* is the key number for it. There is a number for the gate; I'll give that to you when you need it. We only have one car space inside the garage. So… let's go up and show you the place," finished Ven.

'_I forgot how he just rambles on like no bodies business.' _I thought to myself following my brother onto the elevator to the top floor. _'Hey, 4th floor… Means if I jump, I may have a chance at death.'_ I turned around to look out a glass wall, the sight was… Pretty? Cool? The sun was at the correct angle to hit the rolling brown hills to have shadows that out lined each hill. I exhaled when my eyes move up to the mountains coated in snow. _'How long have I been in the hospital? I _know_ there wasn't snow when I went in.'_

"Isn't it a pretty view?" asked Ven.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Its breath taking when you take time to look at it," I said turning around to step out of the elevator.

Ven step off and led the way along, passing about ten or so doors till we stopped at 358. Ven unlocked the door for me and opened it to reveal a long hall. Ven nodded for me to go inside. I walked into the apartment, looking down a long hall with boxes stacked high along the left side of the hall. After entering the new apartment, Ven closed the door behind himself as I poked my head into the first door on the left that was open. Inside the small room there was a king sized bed, with a book case on the opposite wall of the bed. There was a smaller sized dresser as well on the only unused wall. In the far corner there was a doorway with clothes spilling out of it.

"So, are you still letting Rikku dress your sorry ass?" I more muttered than asked.

"Yeah! She's sublime at it! Why not?" He asked, placing a firm hand onto my shoulder.

"Because she's our younger sister that has been dressing you since she could talk… And for the fact that you've always dressed her way since then…" I said to the world.

"I love that she is my own personal designer! You should totally let her dress you at least once. She would be supper happy to have the chance to dress you!" Rambled Ven; who then started pushing me down the hall. "So, that was my room, obviously. The next door is to the laundry room. Next door is the bathroom." He pointed in the directions of everything he talked about. "Then here's the kitchen and the living room. Where you'll be staying is up the stairs. That is your _room_."

I looked over the small kitchen with a pantry under the stairs on the far left hand wall. Added to the kitchen was a nice raised bar, leading into the living room. The ceiling was a high vaulted ceiling. The blinds in the living room were open to reveal a small view overlooking a park with a memorial within it. At the edge of that seen park was a line of trees that you could see in between just enough to view the Twilight River flowing west.

"I also took the liberty of moving your stuff in while you were in the hospital," said Ven, who then started ramble about how it was to move all my stuff out of that apartment was a pain in the ass.

Ignoring Ven and his stupid rambling, I took the liberty of walking myself up stairs to see about my _room_. After I arrived up the stairs, I was welcomed with a beautiful view of down town Twilight Town, with sun just at the right angle to light up the city and the hills becoming a golden background for the beautiful city. I stared at the city for a few moments then went about looking at how my _room_ was set up.

I quickly found that it seemed that my room was almost the same as it was in the other apartment, expect the minor detail of how it was arranged. My bed was in a far corner on the half wall of the _room_. Then my dresser was next to the window and my foot locker at the foot of my bed. My single bookcase was on the opposing side of the _room_ from my small twin bed. Looking closer at my bookcase, I noticed how not a single book was out of order. Then I look on top of my dresser to notice that it looked just I had left it. Not a single item was out of place as well. I rummaged through my drawers to also find that they were also just how I had them. I walked over to my closet to see everything as well, placed just as if it was in my other apartment.

I heard distant knocking as I continued to look about my room in amassment. When the knocking persisted like no other. I went to look down to where Ventus was, who came back to look up at me with a confused expression on his face. "It's not me." I gave. Then I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look out the window.

I was staring into a pair of emerald eyes. I stared for who knows how long at those deep amazing eyes. After taking in those eyes, I tried to take noticed of the face that held them, with this cocky grin playing upon the lips. Flaming red hair framed this soft long face, and a body crouched over, that seemed to be long even in that position.

"Axel?"

~End of 'The Support'

**A/N** Read, love and review.

~Ja!

Ki-chan


	2. Life goes on, with or without me

2. Life goes on, with or without me.

I sat down in my boyfriend's lap, pulling the diary closer. I open to the front page and started reading what the content held.

_Today begins the end of everything. I chose the path that I regret for the rest of my life. I chose the path that means I can make the most of the worst._

_Five years ago I never knew what I saw. I only knew part of what I had. I only saw with my eyes half open. I dated and loved a man that is my world. Just knowing he lives; that he breathes makes me it so I can breathe. Knowing he is making something of himself drives me to do the same._

_That night, when he broke the news, I never thought about that my love would never fade. I could only hide it. The day I uttered the words that I will love you forever, I didn't understand that I really would love him forever. I was stupid and blind. I made stupid decisions. I didn't know what I wanted. I was a lost little girl who uttered words that have been engraved into her heart. I love him and I will always love him._

_Today, I sent a silly picture of the last firework of the night and sent it to Alex, with the text asking him out. Stunned, he had to make sure I was really asking him and not towing with his heart, some more. I've known him since high school some time. We meet in engineering class some time sophomore year._

_During that time, we talked about almost everything. I always talked to him in that class. We always picked each other as partners. Somewhere along the line, he started liking me. I kept going out with different guys. First there was the Sam kid who I really didn't need to date at all. Then I went out with the stupid Mike. As soon as me and Mike started dating, he admitted he liked me. I told him that I didn't see him that way. After Mike came Zac then Evan then Jason… One guy after another and another... The whole time he was always there for me and always will to hang out with me and whoever I was._

_I kept not looking at him like that. Saving some face. Well, this summer, things changed a lot for me. Late April, right before I went on a trip to spend time with family, found out Jason had cheated twice on me. That went off with his neighbor and roommate (who is married) and started kissing them. He was being depressed and stupid… I looked in his eyes and saw him, who he was without any 'make up'. I saw a man that could never truly have my love. That he has never had my love. That he can't fill already bought shoes for my heart. We broke up that night. I half wanted to try and repair it, he want to be single again. He called it off. I went home and stayed awake the whole night just to half to stay awake till later that night after a flight to my family._

_I got to my families place. I was a nice breather, but not enough. I kept breaking into tears over Jason, not knowing what to do. Then Sunday rolled around. We all went out to a family cabin and had fun. We went 4wheeling and hiking. We breathed fresh air and enjoyed ourselves. Somewhere in the middle of it all I was reminded of what it was like to be with Taylor; how I missed his ranch and being around him. Then I remembered how much I loved and cared about him. All the feeling I have ever felt for him, came flooding back. It was like I never stopped having those feelings. That it all made sense now. What I had seen in Taylor's eyes one day. I just didn't see him, I saw everything at once. I saw his being. What makes Taylor, Taylor; that he is going to be this great man, that I can see, and I love more than life itself. That he was the man of my heart, and no one will ever take that spot._

_So, I spent the next ten weeks, daydreaming about being with Taylor, what it would be like to be his again. Those thoughts made me happy, just that pure hope. I even found the drive to do well in college. That if I could do the best I could in college, I can become the woman that can keep her head held high while standing next to him. I kept those dreams steady while texting him about anything we could talk about. Then July came, and he had to switch over to a place that gets really crappy cell reception. I kept hoping but it was hard only getting a text every few days then no reply to mine; that I kept missing him by so little just to talk to him. Then I started to question my ideas, my daydreams._

_Today came. He had some free time off base. He started texting me. I texted back, like 'no duh!'. I confronted him about how I felt, that I still 'really like' him. Not telling him that was even an understatement of how I felt, that I loved him and would do about anything for him. He told me that he didn't see me that way. That he didn't return any of those feelings. I asked why, me being me. He said he didn't and he really didn't know why. He regrets breaking up with me from 07. That he wishes he had not broken up with me. Though, it's good he did, but I wish he would be willing try again. We needed to break up, so we could grow up. I personally needed to grow up a lot and us being apart made it happen. Now, I was to go back to him, more than anything in the world. That I love him so much I feel sick and I hate it. I don't want to feel this way, so sick with love. He, I believe doesn't want to give up on an ex-girlfriend from high school. I bet he really doesn't know what to do for his love life. I've been trying not to put how I feel on him; I don't want him to screw up any… I'm such an idiot._

_So, yea… I asked out Alex who was so happy! 'That he finally got the girl'. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've figured this: I'm going to hide my feeling again for Taylor; Going to choose some who respects me for me; and become the head of the family. I'm doing it and it's going to be a sad life. I'll smile with sadness covering my eyes. I'll keep moving forward, in this sad life. I'll give up all my feelings, so I can make the best of what I have. I'll slowly die of sadness over how I'll never have who I want in life. I'll trudge on, trying not to look back…._

I looked up at Axel, with tears biting at my eyes. Axel tried wiping them away.

"Axel, I love you."

"I love you too Roxas, nothing will ever take you place, okay?" Axel said hiding his face in my neck. "I love you…"

~End of 'Life goes on, with or without me'

**A/N** Sorry it took so long… Kinda lost passion in writing right after the first chapter and shit hit the fan for me... Oh well! Also, I know nothing has lead up to anything, but I want it this way. To be a jumble, because life is a jumble and never goes according to plan! :D

~Ja!

Ki-chan


End file.
